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Buying the Twelve Days of Christmas is Not Cheap

By Eric G Braun, Senior Writer, USRW

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…If it’s really your true love, then you had better know that the twelve days of Christmas, got more expensive in 2016. Especially if you have one of those marital “no major purchases without the others knowledge” policy, but if not, get one!

The Hawks have not been eating well this year because there is an overabundance of Partridges, which saves you some money, and the Pear Tree (batteries not included) has stayed even in price, so the first day of Christmas sets you back $209.00.

If you thought love was dead, it’s not if you’re a turtle dove. Those lovebirds have become quite popular, and are the highest price increase from last year. Two Turtle Doves are $375.00. (If they annoy you, they taste like chicken, just sayin.)

The Three French Hens, “stayed neutral” and did not fight inflation and will cost you $181.50.

If two Turtle Doves, three French Hens and a Partridge in a pear tree is not enough poultry for you, then you might want to flock over to the Four Calling Birds which are a bargain at $599.96.

You would think the Five Golden Rings would be the financial game changer, but those babies only run you $750.00. “You get what you pay for” might apply here.

Back to the foul category. The Avian Flu is not going to stop the Six Geese -A- Laying (umm..don’t go there) as their price flew back up to a stable market now that the epidemic is controlled.

You’re going to have to reach deep in that pocket to land Seven Swans-A-Swimmin– this un-predictable oversized ducks are $13,125.00.

Happy Days Gentlemen! The Eight Maids-A- Milking are only $58.00, and they have remained the same price for 75 years due to the minimum wage.

If those eight maids milking aren’t enough, then let us offer you the Nine Ladies Dancing, Tonight’s special deal is $7,552.84 (plus tip).

Why on earth you would send your true love Ten Lords-A-Leaping is beyond comprehension, but hey who are we to judge? Since they are considered royalty, the price for them has risen to $5,508.70.

You had better check your local noise ordinance if you’re in the market for Eleven Pipers Piping. These guys were union and got a raise, which was passed onto us, and they will cost you $2,708.40–and they won’t work weekends.

Finally, we have come to the Twelfth day, so let’s strike up the band with Twelve Drummers Drumming. It seems our percussion friends are in demand, and to get them to do the Christmas gig it will cost you $2,934.10, not including the contractual agreement describing thousands of dollars in comfort items needed in the suite.

Now let’s think about this. Is your true love worth $156,507.88? That’s the total cost for the Twelve Days of Christmas, and equates to 364 gifts when you count each repetition in the song. (No, I didn’t figure that out)

Then again…there’s always gift cards. Everybody loves a gift card!

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